QotD
"Car accidents are a leading cause of death for teenagers. The
school board and your elected representatives want to make sure that
you and your families are spared from such a tragedy, which is why the
money for driver's ed was eliminated from the budget. Whereas last
year I was teaching your older siblings how to shift and brake and
three-point-turn during a six-week course, it has since been decreed
that I actually need just one afternoon to tell you the only piece of
safety information I'm permitted by law to share:
"The ONLY 100 percent effective method for avoiding car
accidents is to ABSTAIN from driving until marriage.
"Yes, yes, I know you've been bombarded with messages from
popular culture about how much fun it would be to get behind the wheel
of a red convertible, find an unbroken stretch of country road, and,
with the wind in your hair, see what she can do. I know that up until
now you had the mistaken belief that getting a driver's license was a
cherished milestone of your young, sweet, innocent lives. It isn't.
It's a milestone, all right: a milestone indicating terrible pain,
degradation, and certain death."
-- from
"Abstinence-Only Driver's Ed.", by Suzanne Kleid,
McSweeney's, 2008-02-22